There are so many people who tell me again and again “Take care of yourself now” and I nod, not sure what they mean.
To not harm me and to be able to say “Stop” to that voice, that part of me who believes I am a bad person and deserves the pain or does not deserve relief from pain. To set limits for myself and for others towards me. To know, to feel and follow that feeling, when good has shifted to bad, and so I need to leave. Not because of you but for my own sake. To understand what it is to protect myself, to nourish myself, and give me space to recuperate.
It is changing constantly. One moment it is to speak, the next to be silent. One time it is to go there, then it is to go home. Sometimes it is to be together, another time it is solitude. I am exercising my inner compass. I am not very good at it yet but I begin to see when I can make choices in situations I was blind and mute before.