Deep Nights

So tired, so heavy. Headache and healing. I wonder what is truly restorative. Just before dreaming, in the absence of distraction, arrives the unsettling feeling, the worry and the anxiety, the feeling of not being safe, that everything can be and will be taken away from me. It was never mine, and it is my fault it will be taken.

Attempt to grasp reality, to settle into what is, but in my mind details expand out of proportion and I can no longer tell how big they were to begin with. Telling the warped shapes they are not real but I do not believe that myself. Naming objects around me to know where I am. Curtain, bed, socks on the floor. My body begins to twist and turn to not get caught by the haunting doubt. It has me already.

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House Renovation #7

House Renovation #7