A few years ago I went through a rough phase. Nothing was stable or safe. This made me put on a tunnel vision, focus on the details in whatever I Did, made, be completely absorbed and shut everything else out, because what was happening around me at the time was too much to handle. I escaped into obsessiveness, took refuge in my productivity. It was intense. I could not sleep, I forgot to eat, I isolated myself and I painted for hours.
“I escaped into obsessiveness, took refuge in my productivity..”
This phase made me make self portrait upon self portrait to somehow pin down who I was, make something I could hold on to and something of me that would remain beyond my time here. I tried to understand what I could trust and if I could even establish trust again, in Life and in myself.
To go through a crisis is tough. Depending on how much of your world is taken away from you, how much you have left that you can trust and hold on to, how stable you are in yourself and what support you get or not, all contributes to how deep it runs and how long it takes to rebuild.
“It has been oh so heavy and exhausting but I have somewhere in me known it is the ‘difficult but good work'”
For me it has taken about seven years to get to a good place but that doesn’t mean I am done, feel completely healed or that I have nothing left to work on. Of course I do, but recently I have noticed changes, changes in me and my behaviors that support me and protect me. Thank you therapy and the work I have put in during these past years. It has been oh so heavy and exhausting but I have somewhere in me known it is the ‘difficult but good work’ and I am so much better off now than I have ever been. 🙂 Looking back I can hardly understand what I have gone through and even though it has taken a long time, I’m here now. ?
All paintings are oil on canvas.