I have lost ‘my eye’. I have lost my confidence that what I see is worth to stop and struggle for to capture on camera. To be creatively blocked I believe has to do with lack of self esteem and self confidence. At least this is true for me. When we struggle in life I think this shows up in how or how we don’t express ourselves creatively. For me this has included the reluctancy of exposing myself. Sure, when you take a picture you are physically behind the camera and you are about to expose something or someone else, but at the same time the gesture in doing so gives away the fact that you have a desire and an intention, which you can be criticized and mocked for. In reality this might never happen, but it might be what you do to yourself in your own mind. A lot of criticism we believe others hold against us I believe to be projections of our own self doubt.
“A lot of criticism we believe others hold against us I believe to be projections of our own self doubt.”
Moreover, this made me lose my own inner compass, the intuition and curiosity that pulls us towards something. I have not known what is authentic to me anymore, which is a daunting feeling. Maybe the struggle that I have gone through recently has changed me so much that what is authentic to me has changed too? To find, or rather uncover ‘my eye’ I need to Do. This I have known all along, but it changed the other day when I read a book on photography that was hands on and that provided me with tools I had known but lost on how to approach a subject and what to look for. In retrospect I can see that it helped me to fall into photography that day. I couldn’t help myself, which was a wonderful feeling. I took the car, drove to the water close by and simply went for a stroll, no expectations, just looking, really looking, and I wasn’t scared. How the pictures turned out is not the most important thing, but that I dared to try again.